Thursday, March 24, 2011

Vintage Madness

I've been watching a lot of basketball lately and I got to thinking, what if thrifting was a sport? For those of you who have done it, you know how intense it can be - it's not impossible to imagine a league of professional antiquers! Just imagine what it would be like to spectate and hear live "on the ground" coverage at antique malls, flea markets and thrift shops? Here are a few play-by-play commentaries that I imagined for two of my favorite Etsy vintage sellers - Dear Golden Vintage and Adelaide's Homesewn - and myself. Here's the set up: The commentators' names are Tom and John. They are broadcasting live wearing vintage menswear and fancy headsets. They have a combined 46 years of experience covering vintage sports.

Lauren of Dear Golden Vintage

“The doors of the antique mall just opened and . . . yes, we’ve just received confirmation from Betty at the front desk that it is in fact Dear Golden Vintage. This is very exciting, John. Her stats sheet is incredible. She’s known in this part of the state for her accuracy and breakneck pace. People also say he has a "sixth sense" for finding tatted lace and 1940s rayon. You'll remember last March we saw her cover 100,000 square feet of collectibles in just under an hour and a half. Reports say that she's been doing a lot of home juicing since then, so who knows what she's capable of now. 

Duff (moi!) of Jean Jean Vintage
“Jean Jean Vintage has taken a sharp left down the second aisle of the antique mall and – whoah! – she is striding toward booth 204. She has a tray and is quickly filling it with baubles. Watch closely, Tom, because we might see her favoring her left hand. Reportedly, her thumb got trapped in a locket last week but it looks like she’s made a full recovery. I’m also happy to see that she’s brought her multi-compartment purse today – you’ll remember last time she forgot it and it really set her back. The necklace tangling that day was some of the worst I’ve seen."

Maria of Adelaide's Homesewn
“Now John, we all know that Adelaide’s Homesewn holds the Missouri record for most garments draped over one arm at one time, but did you also know that she also took the silver medal in the stair climbing competition at the Antique Olympics last fall? Don’t let her adorable haircut and bright lips distract you – she is fearless. When it comes to finding garments there’s no warehouse too musty, no attic too dark, and no antique mall too cluttered. We estimate that she’s rescued and redistributed just over 1000 vintage items in the last couple of years. Keep your eyes on her - she's got a long career ahead of her.” 

15 comments:

Emily said...

Yes! I have seen the same sport-like, 'competitive' (in the nicest possible way!) approach in thrift stores here.

Bess Georgette said...

Haha! I love this!
So cute and well done! I couldn't help but hear it read out like true sporting commentary.

Amber said...

Ahahahaha! This is amazing! I've heard locket injuries can be a doozy. Take care of that thumb.

BaronessVonVintage said...

haha! Love it! I just don't like when trips to vintage fairs have led to contact vintage rifling (literally, a woman who turned out to be a vintage broker tried to grab about four 1940s dresses I had in my hands!!).

Sadie Rose said...

i love this. go team!

Yiwen said...

Haha you are such a hoot! Does put vintage hunting in a new light though!

Holly Marie said...

This is too funny! So true though, I get into this fast moving, competitive mindset even when it perfectly ridiculous. Like when I've shown up at the thrift store at 2pm, and everyone else there appears to be digging for Abercrombie.

Wild Tea Party said...

ROFL. Ah man. That's hilarious. But so true.

Alexis E. said...

You are funny! Do you remember the show Bargain Hunt on BBC? Gosh I loved that show.

Zohar said...

Girl you're crazy! This was super fun to read :D I want a commentary too!

greatest friend said...

speechless and smiling! ps: maria! CUTE PIC!!!

greatest friend said...

speechless and smiling! - ps: maria is cute we all know - but that photo is so so gorgeous! ;)

The Thriftaholic (Leilani) said...

Thrifting is most definitely a sport, anyone who has ever been to an estate sale on the first day knows what I mean! Even in a thrift store I eye up my 'competition' and sped up my pace based on whoever else is in the store! A little crazy but fun.

dietplaid said...

Yes! Haha, I do live commentaries all the time. It adds a dimension of importance and pomp, don't you think? Thrifting is a good place for it, I start sweating in some of the shops, especially when faced with a tough choice.

labonnefemme1 said...

I also could hear it live in my head, like listening to the Tour de France! Just perfect. On a similar note, I often wonder if you gathered four or five of us vintage ladies together and gave us each 30 minutes to "shop the same antique mall" what we could each find and if our paths would ferociously cross ;)

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